Ah, it is that dreaded time of year again. It is the time of the year where the student’s brain is forced to go and relearn all of the information it had once consumed, but then threw out the ears once the weekly quiz or test was over with. It is every Woodland students favorite time of the year, aside from Christmas and summer break, of course. It is midterm exam week where every Woodland student spends countless hours making attempts to reteach themselves every little detail that traveled out of the teacher’s mouth, into our ears, and right out of them. But, by reading this article, you will learn some helpful hints that will successfully help you fail the 2012 midterms.
First step is to forget all of your books in your locker, besides they make your backpack heavy and in order to be successful in any sort of way, you need to keep an erect back, so just leave those at school.
After you’ve left your books at school and have finally arrived home without any stress of carrying the weight on your shoulder, it is now time to head up to your room. In your room, find the comfiest clothes you own(sweatpants, sweatshirts, fuzzy socks, you know the stuff you wear in bed) so that you are ready to fall asleep at any point while studying for the exams that count as ten percent of your final grade. Also, bring any stuffed animals you may or may not have so that they can “comfort” you while “studying.”
Now that you’ve got your comfy clothes on, it’s time to prepare a brain snack! A number of snacks will help that complex, intelligent brain of yours so that you can pass those exams. Snacks like smart food, smart water, and anything with the word smart in it, will definitely make you think you’re smarter. Remember, if you’re confident for a test, then you won’t fail, right? As you’re eating your smart foods, make sure you take as long as you can because it can take a while for the brain to digest its food.
With all that food in your belly and a long hard day of school, a power nap is much needed. Whenever you wake up from a nap, everyone knows you are much more willing and motivated to head back to your studies. It’s like waking up on a rainy Monday morning and heading to A block with your favorite teacher going on and on about something or another. Do not set an alarm for the power nap. Sleep is important for the body and especially for the beauty! Remember, beauty counts on these exams which will keep you from passing or failing!
That two hour power nap was just what you needed to get you back into the game! Now that you’re feeling lazy and unmotivated, it is time to check your eight social networks: Facebook, email, Instagram, Twitter, etc. First, take a picture of yourself studying and make it look authentic by using Instagram. Then, since you’ve gotten that far, tweet that same picture and hastag it #procastinationprobz. The first step in recovering is admitting that you have a problem and that being procrastination.
While you’re on your smart phone, and it’s okay to be on that cause it is smart, just text everyone you know and see how far they’ve gotten. With their responses, you can assure yourself that everybody will fail anyway and the teacher will just have to give you a 100 point curve. Oh, and to get a good laugh, go and tell all of the underclass men that the tests are the exact same thing as the tests you’ve taken previously in the year!
It’s about 6:30 now and Mom is starting to cook dinner. For the first time, you should decide to take up the hobby of cooking and baking deserts and preparing the dinner table as if you were having the president over. Mom will really appreciate your work and totally forget that you have midterms this week. Everyone is happy!
When you’ve finally finished off the last delectable double chocolate chip cookie, you should open a book so that you look intelligent. Sit on the couch with your stuffed animal, you’ll need him. Once the book is open to a page you think you should be scanning, turn that awesome TV of knowledge on. If you’re lucky enough, Jersey Shore in Italy will be on and you can practice for your Italian test! Not only the language speaking, but learning about the Italian culture.
Although you may have not acquired what you’ve just read, the book has been open to the page for at least twenty minutes now and your parents think you’re being studious! Good job! Just continue to read the same paragraph over and over again, eventually the words might start to look the same. Start to ponder about what your teacher does when he or she is not teaching, or what their wife or husband looks like, or where they buy their clothes…
Unfortunately, Jersey Shore has ended and there’s not a thing on the TV. Just turn that off and turn your music on, things that are really motivating and make a lot of sense like the SpongeBob Sqaurepants “Campfire Song Song!” It’s a classic sing along for the entire family! It even helps you spell words, like campfire and song.
The clock reads 10:00 and you feel that tonight has been a very tiring, dragging, night. Lots of studying. And since you don’t have anything better to do, like study for the midterms that will help you get into college, you might as well go into bed. If you go to bed earlier, you’ll be so much happier in the morning and better prepared for the new day, especially since you just spent the last seven hours doing nothing, On your way to the exam, try and recollect on everything you learned the night before and since there was nothing, you might as well write how you made your cookies! For browning points, might as well bring some in and then maybe, you’ll score a point on those very important exams that you spent the entire night preparing for. By reading these tips and following them, you’re almost guaranteed to fail one of the biggest tests of your high school career. Good luck!
Graphic: collegecandy.com
