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Top Ten: Worst Things to Step On

 

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It’s the middle of the night and I’m barely awake. It’s after midnight and the parents are still not home yet. My eyes stay glued to the TV screen in hopes that maybe I won’t fall asleep. In between commercial breaks I remind myself why I’m never having kids.

And then just because the night couldn’t be any easier one of the kids starts crying. Grudgingly, I get off the couch and try and hold my eyelids open enough to see.

And then I remember, if I don’t hurry they will wake their sibling up and then I will have twice as big of a problem.

I start to jog up the stairs in fear that I won’t get their quickly enough. But of course it is dark in the play room, and it’s not my house so I have no idea where the light switch is.

If I was smart I would have brought my phone for light, but I was too tired to think of that.

A shooting pain ricochets through my foot and I keep my curses to myself as I push the stupid toy aside. I knew they should have cleaned up before they went to bed.

As I trek through the obstacle course, also known as a toy room, I think to myself what are the ten worst things to step on?

10 A baby doll. You would think a baby doll can’t be that bad right? After all it is squishy or just hard. However, if it is late at night and you are babysitting little kids and you step on something squishy with human like feature—you often think you just killed the baby. And let’s face it there is no good way to explain that one to parents. So maybe it doesn’t hurt, but it could give you a heart attack.

9 A diaper. Once again, in no way is this hard or sharp—but it is without a doubt wet. When stepping on diaper little will come to mind other than, I am never having children—at least not after scarring experiences of stepping on diapers.

8 A pet. We’ve all had experience of that annoying pet you have to deal with when you babysit. Step on a cat’s tail and you might as well receive a death sentence. And any good babysitter knows you always want the pets on your side because the kids aren’t always around to keep it away. Plus an angry one—equals a scary scene.

7 Glass. Maybe it’s not as humorous when you will look back on it with your kids (because let’s face it by morning you will have forgotten all and want kids again) but it’s still as painful. And stepping on glass means two things—one, you better find that light switch, and two , you better find an excuse before the parents get home.

6 Puddles. The worst thing about stepping in a puddle, is not knowing what it is. Is it pee? Is it vomit? Or maybe it’s just the kids’ water or juice. You say a little prayer that it’s the latter and try and ignore your now sopping wet sock.

5 Anything with wheels. Let’s face it if you step on something with wheels like a skateboard and you are too close to the steps—the rest of your night would be downhill from there. Just like in The Three Stooges you fall on your butt making yourself look like a complete fool and probably manage to land on some other toys while you’re at it. Jack pot.

4 Gum. You knew you shouldn’t have given the kid it to begin with—but it just distracted him for so long. You should have realized it was a bad sign when the gum magically disappeared. But hey, maybe you are lucky and it’s summer so it’s only stuck to the bottom of your foot.

3 Legos. Everyone has stepped on a Lego at some point, and it’s usually something you don’t forget. They might be small but their without a doubt deadly.

2 Push pins. Step on one of these and you might as well say goodbye to the kids because the chances of you wanting to babysit for them again is pretty slim to none. Not only is it dark and your foot is throbbing but it’s quite possibly also bleeding. Still want kids? Yeah, me neither.

1 Marbles. It’s almost as painful as it is funny. The little grooves dig into your foot and leave impressions as you try and remember why you let them take the marbles in the first place. Did I really think this was a good idea?

Having enough, I scuff my feet along hoping to encounter no more obstacles. I finally reach the door to the kid’s bedroom feeling slightly proud of myself for making it.

Opening the door you remind yourself to clean up next time before it gets dark. Oh and don’t forget to check where the light switch is—that can come in handy too.

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